Wednesday, April 6, 2011

And So We Begin…

We are going to adopt. 


We are going to adopt!!!!!


Wow, that feels amazing to actually type! :) I alluded to it in my last post, but only briefly mentioned it.  So, let me back-up……. 

I have known for years and years (probably since middle school) that I wanted to adopt someday.   It has always been something that excited me and I’ve just known that it was going to be part of the fabric of my life.  So when I started dating Chris, we started talking about it early on.  Not everyone can picture themselves adopting, which is fine, but anybody who married me was gonna have to be on board with it. haha Thankfully, he was totally supportive and excited as well. 

So we concocted our “perfect plan” – we would have two biological kids and adopt two kids.  Best of both worlds and it would be even-steven so that nobody would feel outnumbered.  Oh, it makes me laugh just to type that out.  You know what they say about the best laid-plans! 

I’ve shared a little bit here about how difficult Luke’s birth and recovery was on me.  Partly physically, but mostly emotionally.  I told my mom in the post-op room that I hoped she liked Luke because she wasn’t getting another one!  (Although doesn’t every new mom say that at one point?!). It was a funny story for my parents to tell their friends.  

But throughout the last two years, people have made jokes about our next baby, and how I need to “at least try for a girl” (I hate that phrase – what if I had another boy??).  Each time I would say that it wasn’t happening (nicely, of course), and I think they thought over time I would get over it and get on board with having another baby. 

Well, it’s been a year and 9 months since I had Luke, and there is still no part of me that wants to be pregnant, have another c-section, and deal with that aftermath again.  It was really scary for me when I finally realized and came to terms with the fact that those feelings of wanting to get pregnant, like I had before Luke, weren’t coming back.  It’s a huge deal to have to tell your husband you don’t think you can give him another biological child.  I was scared out of my mind.  I mean, not that Chris would ever leave me, but this is a deal-breaker for lots of people, you know?  I felt like I was falling short and letting him down and I was so scared that he was going to be devastated. 

But, thank God, he wasn’t.  He is totally cool with the fact that Luke is going to be our only biological child (as of right now, knowing that God is in charge of everything).  He still says that he’d be fine with having one more together if I changed my mind, but he has promised me over and over (mostly because it took a while for me to realize he was really okay with it and not just telling me what I wanted to hear) that he still loves me and doesn’t feel like I’ve let him down.  He is passionate and excited about adoption as well, and I thank God for giving me a husband who feels so strongly about this, too. 

We both want more children, however they need to get to us, and we both agree that it is much healthier for me to be a whole and healthy (adoptive) mommy for our next baby than for me to be a (birth) mommy who feels so sad and broken inside.

So that was another reason why it was so stressful to be living with my parents all these months.  We know very little about the adoption process, but we do know that you usually start out with a home study.  Well…….the no home thing was kinda killing us.  We felt stuck, not just because we weren’t a private family, but because we felt that we couldn't even begin to start the journey to our next child until we had a place to call our own. 

Well, tomorrow night that all changes.  We are going to our first adoption meeting!  We are meeting with a state social worker and there will be four other interested families there, along with a mother who has adopted 3 kids already who will be available to talk to for real-life experience. 

I am so excited, and so nervous!! I can’t believe we are finally taking the first step to bring our next baby home.  I know it might take a while, but I can’t tell you how excited I am to be on the road to being a family of FOUR.  :)  I have been devouring adoption blogs and living vicariously through lots of of other couples’ experiences.  If you are reading this and you’ve adopted, or read a great blog about adoption, I would LOVE for you to let me know in the comments so that I can check it out.  We are total newbies at this!

Before I finish this verrrrry long post (ya still awake in there?! lol), I just have to share three crazy cool things that God has done for us since moving here to let us know that we are on the right track. 

First, we searched for about a month after we moved here before finding our current church, which we LOVE.  Imagine how happy we were, when after attending for about 6 weeks, we realized that our pastor and his wife adopted both of their boys and are big advocates for adoption!  We’ve already asked them some questions and I know they are going to let us pick their brains as we get deeper and deeper in. 

Second,  we attend a young couples’ Bible study through our church with 3 other couples.  We have absolutely LOVED our time with the other people in our group and are so thankful for the friends they are to us.  When we first brought up the fact that we were interested in adoption, lo and behold, ALL THREE of the other couples told us that they are interested in adoption and it’s something they’ve all talked about! I totally teared up when I heard that news. :) 

Third, I’ve read a little about home studies to know that there are certain safety features that the social workers/agencies like you to have in your house before you can adopt.  Often, I’ve seen it required where you need to have a fire extinguisher near the stove.  (So classy, right? haha) Well, we had our inspection on the house last Saturday (which went perfectly, by the way – thank you God!), and we both noticed that there is already a fire extinguisher installed in the kitchen!  We both totally missed it the first time we walked through the house, and we were both so touched by the fact that it is already installed and ready to go in the house.  It seriously felt like a little gift from God – as if He was trying to say, “This is it, guys!  This is the house you’ll adopt your next baby and bring your child home to.”  I can’t describe how amazing it felt to see that ugly red thing on the wall! haha

{If you enlarge the picture below by clicking on it, you can just see the bottom of the fire extinguisher to the left of the stove.}

more house 026

So anyway, what was supposed to be a short post ended up being super long, and I hope I didn’t bore you to death.  I’m just so excited!

Here we go! :)


  1. so happy for you! can't wait to go along on the journey. :)

  2. Oh Jess, I am so excited for you. I know what you mean about stopping after one and having everyone second guess you. For me it was the age difference between my oldest and what would have been a second child. I grew up with a huge gap between kids and I did NOT want that to happen in my family. Also, I have a lot of emotional issues, and I struggle to show emotions to the one child I do have. I love him to bits, but sometimes I forget that a child needs to have that shown physically by hugs and kisses, unlike me who can just relish in the fact that my husband and son love me just by seeing them in my life. Its weird and totally not something most women deal with, but I've never been a mushy person, so I totally get where you are coming from.

    I too would love to look into adoption or even foster care, but unfortunately my husband had the foster care experience when he was a child and he was hurt deeply when he had to see a child leave his house. I think it was hard for him to let go, and as far as adoption, he doesn't think its fair to put another child through the military life that we are living. It can be hard on children, and we are doing our best to keep Lucas in one school during these last few years, but that isn't up to us. So I understand his reasoning, and I accept it, and I focus my attention on helping little animals that need someone to care for them... at least I can do that much!! Anyway, congrats, and I can't wait to see more about your adventures in adoption!!!

  3. Well sweet girlie you KNOW how I FEEL about ADOPTION! I am totally PSYCHED to watch what the Lord has in store for you!!!!!!! God works in amazing ways and anything you can imagine HE will make seem like NOTHING in his perfect plan!!! ;)

    SOOOO excited to see what is next!

  4. I am so excited for you guys!!! I will be praying for your family and for the new child that God is sending your way!!!

  5. Oh my! I am so excited for you!!!! I have always wanted to adopt, too, but we're not quite to your point yet (well, and I'm having a baby in 2 months, so thinking of a 3rd child is WAY too much to comprehend). :) I understand about it being so hard. This pregnancy has been awful, and we've talked about this being our last "birth" child. We'll see. Anyway, I am so excited for you guys! Can't wait to hear how each step works out for you! Praying!

  6. Congrats on your adoption journey! :)

    I just found your blog and became a follower! :) Love your blog! Erin

  7. Jess and Chris!

    I am so excited to hear that you guys one found a home and that two you are adopting! How exciting for your family. I have a friend at church who has adopted both of her girls and I am so inspired by her and that wonderful gifts God gave there family. Matter of fact there first girl even looks like she could be there biological child. SO COOL! :)

    I can't wait to hear more about your journey. I love ya so much and miss ya!

  8. wow congrats! it will be fun to read through this journey.

  9. Oh Jess and Chris!!!! I am SOOO excited for you!! Looking forward to hearing about the journey. :)

  10. I found your blog through Kelly's Corner (breakfast recipes) and when I noticed the adoption tags I had to keep reading. I started my blog during our adoption process. We adopted our daughter 3 years ago through international adoption (Vietnam). The process was so difficult at times, but completely worth it. Adoption is an amazing thing and our daughter is such a blessing. Please feel free to check out my blog. The last post I did was actually celebrating our 3 year Forever Family Day. Most of the other adoption related posts are from 2007 up to June of 2008. I hope your process moves quickly and that all goes well.


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