The Last Quiet Hour of 2013.

I’m sitting here in the last quiet hour of 2013.  I feel the need to sum up our year but I begin to try to to write or compose my thoughts and the year just seems so…vast before me.  How do I possibly put into words the year that changed my life? 

And I mean truly changed.my.life.

Last January 1st saw me miserable with shingles on my face, my eye swelled shut from the pressure, super pregnant and just sooo over it all.  It’s funny what you THINK is the worst…the absolute pits…and then you are really FACED with the absolute worst and you just want to mock yourself for thinking you had it bad.   I look back at myself and I feel so much pity and also longing for that innocence I had and I didn’t even realize it.  I was only 21 days away from my world being flipped upside down.

One thing this year has taught me…the difference between what is really a big deal and what is not.  I joke like anyone else about “first-world problems” but for real?  Your child with their chest sliced open? That’s a big deal.  Walking past parents in sealed rooms with protective gowns covering their clothing, while their child’s door plaque in the PICU reads “Neurosurgery?” That’s a big deal.  Holding your daughter with cords attached to her chest that monitor her every breath when suddenly the baby across the hall in the NICU starts alarming and the nurses go running? 

Big deal. 

Most of the rest?  Not so much.

Before this year I had never spent more than a night in the hospital {not counting my c-sections}.  God has now opened my eyes to a whole “sub-culture” – a whole life group of people that I never knew existed.  I am now constantly aware that at any given time there are mommies and daddies in NICUs and PICUs, praying, praying, praying and crying their eyes out for their babies.  When the rest of the world is having Christmas morning.  When the rest of the world is out at the park on a beautiful spring day.  When the rest of the world is waking up in a warm house on a regular old Saturday with sleepy kiddos and bedhead and hot coffee.  They are there and they are lonely and they are sad and they are wishing they were on the outside, not the inside. 

Sometimes I let myself slip…just dip a little…into that dangerous pool of self-pity.  I get a little angry with God that my beautiful, precious daughter has a permanent scar in a very girl-sensitive area.  That there will come a time when she will get more and more tired due to her pulmonary valve getting weaker…and I’ll have to watch that and there’ll be nothing I can do.  And that when she gets close to middle-school age, I’ll have to deal with the ticking time-bomb of another surgery.  That my beautiful daughter will be forced to deal with surgery again when all she should really be dealing with are friends and homework and what boy she has a crush on. 

But most days, the majority of days, I just live in awe.  Awe of what God did for us and how lucky I have it.  I told a friend the other day that realizing you’re really lucky…that you have it really, really good…is a great place to be. 

And believe me, I know.  I think all the time about everything that could have been and how much worse it could have been.  I’m in a support group on Facebook for parents of kids with Tet and believe me, I read nearly everyday about some sweet baby going back to the hospital after surgery because it didn’t work.  Or whose scar got infected.  Or who is having seizures and “Tet spells” {aka not breathing because there’s not enough oxygen in their precious little broken heart.} 

There’s not a day that goes by {and many days, not an hour –literally} that I’m not silently lifting up a prayer to God to tell Him how grateful I am for His gift of my daughter’s life.   I feel like I have walked through fire and come out on the other side a more compassionate friend and momma.  God has given me the amazing gift of being able to truly understand others’ pain in a way that I never would have been able to before.  Those NICU mommas?  I get them now.  Mommas in hospital rooms, praying over their babies?   Yup, I’ve been there.  I’ve lived it and I know it.  When people share Facebook requests for a sick baby, I pray immediately and I know specific things to pray for for that family that I never in a million years would have thought about before.  Isn’t that awe-inspiring?! I am so grateful. 

All because of Olivia.

Oh, Olivia…my little miracle baby that was never supposed to be because I was “supposed” to be adopting my next child, not getting pregnant again.

You know, in my perfect plan. ;)

 

And of course I can’t forget about my precious Luke.  He continues to make us laugh every day with his funny little sayings.  Today he watched Toy Story 3 and about 5 hours later asked me, “Mommy, is Ken a toy or an accessory?”  Which is just hilarious if you’ve ever seen the movie.  He is extremely spiritually sensitive and every.single.night starts his prayers with “Dear Lord, Thank you for Jesus…” even though that is not how Chris or I ever start our prayers.  If I forget to pray for a meal I serve him, he always says, “Mommy, you didn’t forget to pray!!!”  He is constantly – like multiple times every day – running up to me and giving me a kiss or a hug.  Sometimes taking my head in his hands to do it. 

This year saw a new classroom for him as he moved to the 4-year-old room, and most importantly the beginning of food therapy.  That deserves a whole post of its own but the progress has been astounding.  I am so proud of him.  He still struggles with multiple issues, and life with him is not always easy, but he really is so precious to me and dear to my heart.  I love him sooooo very much!

This year we said goodbye to two cars that flat-out died on us {Chris informed me that three more cars in a calendar year and we’d have to register as a dealer in the state of CT! ha!}, and I finally got a station wagon which I LOVE.  A very special “angel” gave Chris’s parents a new car, which led them to give us their old car – for free, mind you - the very same week our car died.  I mean really…is God awesome or what?!

Also exciting was that Chris started his new job as a salesman this fall and we are so excited for the opportunity to live a liiiiiitle less tightly and have a tiny bit more breathing space. 

I am looking forward to 2014 with so much happy anticipation.  Chris and I love our babies…and love holding other people’s babies…but we are NOT “baby people” and we are both so thrilled that the baby stage is ending for us in just a few short weeks!  I’ll be honest…a lot of 2013 felt like trudging for us, emotionally and physically {Olivia just started sleeping through the night about a month ago}.  I am so ready to start anew and afresh, done with the burdens of such a hard year. 

In fact, Chris already went to bed but I informed him that I couldn’t come to bed before midnight because I had a physical need to say goodbye to this year. 

I want to shake it off and give it a good kick in the bum. :)

I wish you all many blessings….and a beautiful 2014.  And if this new year brings you hard lessons – lessons that make you cry and mourn and question everything you ever knew about your life – may you come out on the other side stronger, and grateful for what the hard things have taught you. 

Being grateful makes all the difference.  Trust me…I know. 

Happy 2014!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011: Our Family’s Year in Review

This is the second or third year I’ve done this; and honestly it’s for my own memory’s sake and not for any other reason.  I don’t pretend that it’s interesting!  lol But 2011 was a crazy year for us (hello, new house and adoption process beginning!) so I want to document it here in one post. 

 

{January and February and beginning of March}

Had some crushing losses on houses – a total of 3 in this time that we walked through, fell in love with, signed paperwork for, and then “lost.”  Super discouraging time but kept pressing on and looking at houses!

 

{late March}

Found out we were getting a house!! (Praise God!)  We got the call when we were out at the movie theater seeing The Adjustment Bureau so that movie will always hold an oddly special place in my heart.  Totally started bawling from happiness when we got the call. 

 

{April}

Armed with the knowledge that we were finally getting a house, we went our very first adoption informational meeting, led by Connecticut Child and Family Services.  We heard all about the options open to us and got a good overview of our choices. 

 

{May}

I traveled to Cedarville with my parents to see my sweet sissy-poo graduate from college. 

Closed on our house on Monday, May 16th (9 months and 1 day from when we moved in with my parents…YES I was counting).  Took a week to paint, start a wall demo, and move in; slept in our house the first time the following Sunday night. 

We also had our first house visitors that month!  Josh and Lindsay and Jake (our BFFs) came to visit us over Memorial Day weekend.  Jake finally got to see the beach, which is good because the poor kid had only been saying “beach” since February…lol!

{I love these two sweet boys!}

 

{June and July}

During these months we explored several different avenues for adoption (five in all).  We continually got doors closed.  It was an extremely frustrating time but we continued to keep pursing our options.

I was also asked to the maid of honor in the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest high school friends!  She was in my wedding and I am thrilled to be in hers.  She’s getting married next June.

On July 8th our sweet boy turned TWO!  Since we still felt freshly-moved-in, we decided to have a very simple family dinner with just my parents, my grandparents, my brother and his girlfriend (now fiancé!) and my sister.  Chris’s parents watched Luke eat his cake via Skype.  I cooked an Italian-themed dinner.  It was sweet and simple.

 

{August}

We celebrated our FIVE year wedding anniversary!  We had big plans to go to Boston, but for a variety of reasons, we chose not to go.  It is still on the list for the future!  We went to Cheesecake Factory instead – one of our favorites, plus we ate there on our honeymoon the night before we flew to Mexico, so it always reminds us of that happy time. :)

I also became an independent representative for Wildtree!  I sell 100%natural food products via home parties.  It’s a super fun source of outside income from me…and I get to talk about one of my favorite subjects….healthy eating. ;)

August also ended up being the month that we lost power for five and a half days due to Hurricane Irene…..*shudder*.  I hope we don’t have to go through that again anytime soon!

 

{September}

On the 4th, my sister got married!  I was the maid of honor, Luke was the ring bearer, and Chris and I sang/played at the ceremony.  It was SO much fun – I wish we could do it all again….except not…you know what I mean! 

On the 17th, Chris turned 28 and my brother got engaged to a wonderful girl.  We celebrated with an engagement dinner that night. 

We also made our way to Cedarville for our 5-year reunion, which stretched into the first weekend of….

 

{October}

Being at Cedarville with friends was a BLAST.  It was super hard to be away from Luke that long, but all-in-all, I don’t regret it.  We got to spend a few days with some of our most favorite people on the planet. I’m already looking forward to the 10-year!  :)

Also this month, we had our very first home adoption meeting with our social worker!  I realize that I haven’t actually shared this here yet, but we officially started on the path to foster-adoption through the state of Connecticut!  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!  We are currently in the thick of the paperwork/parenting classes aspect of adoption, and hope to be “ready” for a child (on paper) by the spring. 

We hosted Chris’s parents for the weekend.  It was fun to show them our house and the area.  Luke absolutely loved having some one-on-one time with his grandparents!

I started teaching piano lessons again.  So thankful for the chance to keep using my music teacher skills and to make some extra money for our family.

 

{November}

We hosted Thanksgiving at our house – first time ever!  We kept it low-key with just my parents, my grandparents, my brother, and Chris and Luke and I.  My sister and her husband weren’t able to make it up from Tennessee. :( 

Besides missing my sister and her husband, it was a blast!  I cooked my very first turkey and nobody keeled over from food poisoning.  I was TIRED at the end of the day, though!

 

{December}

I turned 27 on the 7th.  Chris ended up with my birthday off so that was a wonderful surprise.  And something I will now expect from here on out. haha

This was the very first Christmas (we’ve been married for a total of six Christmases now) that we were able to celebrate on our own.  All the other years we had been staying with my parents over the Christmas holiday, so our Christmas morning had been with them.  It was such a gift to be able to have Christmas, just the three of us.  We got up, took our time, and had a quiet, peaceful morning before heading out to my parents’ house.  I loved every minute of it. :)

{Christmas Eve at my aunt and uncle’s house}

Looking forward to spending New Year’s with some very special friends!

Well, that wraps it up for our family recap!  Thanks so much for following along – see you NEXT YEAR! Ha. Ha. HA. ;)

2010: The Year in Review

I did this last year and it was good, concise way for me to review the year. If you don’t have the presence of mind to read this, I don’t blame you – it’s mostly for my own memory.  If you do feel like reading about our family and you don’t have to use toothpicks to hold up your eyelids by the end, I commend you. ;)

Here’s this year’s installment:

January:  Hosted a bunch of college friends at our house for a New Year’s reunion.  So nice to see them all again!

February: Traveled to Providence to see my cousin get married.  Luke’s first Valentine’s Day and first hotel stay happened in the same weekend! 

March: Started Somersizing; lost 10 pounds total.  I’m not currently on that diet, but having to banish all processed foods led me to the clean foods lifestyle that I try to follow now. 

April: Said goodbye to my brother as he left for Iraq (again).  Hosted my family for the weekend.  Luke’s first Easter celebration!  Lindsay and I sell at the flea market and have a great time. 

May:  Realized we were going to need a “Plan B” as far as Chris’s job went.  Found out the next day from my dad that there was an opening at his company in CT that didn’t need prior experience.  Scheduled an interview for June. 

Lindsay, her DH and I travel to NYC the day after Mother’s Day to go to the Today show!  It was on both of our “bucket lists.”  Got our pictures with Al, Natalie, and Ann, and got on tv.  Ridiculously fun.  :)

June:  Traveled to CT; Chris applied for the job; found out a week later that he had been given the position and needed to start in August.  Began the bittersweet process of telling friends and family we’d be moving soon. 

July: Celebrated our little guy turning ONE!  We had a party with about 30 people at our house.  Luke contracted a weird eye infection on his birthday and we ended up at the doctor.  Thankfully she correctly diagnosed the weird infection (periorbital cellulitis, anyone?), and quickly put him on strong antibiotics.  Basically he kinda looked like he’d been punched in the eye for a lot of his b-day pics.  Told Luke he’s not allowed to be near any doctors, nurses, or hospitals next July 8th. :)  Luke’s monkey “smash cake” was the first real decorated cake I’d ever made!

Chris works very little, and eventually has to quit his job this month, so that he (and I) can get our house ready to put on the market.  This process involves tons of things – the biggest being painting the entire outside of our two-story house and garage.  Ugh. Not some of my fondest memories!  Thankful that we have money in savings to live off of during these 4-5 weeks without work.  Given $100 anonymously at church in my diaper bag, which was such a huge blessing.

We had planned an overnight trip to Ocean City, NJ, with our two very good college friends months before we knew we were moving.  We decided that a night away from the stress of the house was good for us – and it was.  Sand and relaxation were wonderful.  I cried to leave Luke alone for the first time, but all in all it was good for us to get away.  It was so much fun….I dearly love all three people in the picture below!

 

August:  Our 4-year anniversary came on August 5th but we’re too busy packing up to celebrate it!  House goes on the market on August 12th.  Locked our doors and moved to CT on August 15th, exactly 2 years to the day that we closed on our house.  Chris begins working and I begin the task of being a stay-at-home mom at my parents’ house. My brother returns home from Iraq early and we all move back in the same weekend!  haha! 

We begin searching for our new church home. 

September:  My little sister got engaged and will be getting married next September!  Wedding planning fun begins.  Find a church that we really like but keeping searching, just to be sure.

Find out we have an offer on our house, only to have it fall through after negotiations.  Depressed but staying hopeful.

Celebrate Chris’s birthday and also go to the Big E in Massachusetts, one of my favorite events of the season. 

October: Visit from my BFF and her little boy.  Spent the weekend showing her the local sights.  So, so, so wonderful to have here her.  Decide to keep going to our church because we’ve totally fallen in love with it!

Get word that we have a new offer on the house and the buyer wants to close by December 1st, which we negotiate to November 29th (the Monday after Thanksgiving).  It’s lower than we wanted but we accept it as a gift from God in this economy. 

My sister comes home for Fall Break and I finally get to see her ring in person!  We start bridesmaid dress shopping.

Also start going to a MOMS group at my old church, which is a big encouragement and something I wasn’t able to find anywhere near me in PA.

November: Start going to a young couple’s Bible Study through our church; so happy to be meeting other people our age.  Very thankful for the wonderful couples in our group.

Put in an offer on a house in CT we really hoped to get; didn’t work out for us.  Have to keep looking for homes.  Celebrated Thanksgiving here in CT and then traveled to PA to celebrate with Chris’s family from Friday night to Sunday.

Miracle of miracles, even with some setbacks, we sell our house on November 29th in this terrible economy.  That was a very good day. :)

December:  Celebrated our anniversary and my birthday with a night away in Providence.  Ate at the Cheesecake Factory, went to the Providence Place mall, and stayed at the Holiday Inn Express.

Put in an offer on a short sale that we LOVE; offer was accepted by the buyers and now we are just waiting on the bank!  We pray every day that God will give us this house; it will be a great house for us and our (hopefully soon) growing family.

Go to the company work party; Chris wins a $50 Wal-Mart card through a raffle and I win a $50 Stop & Shop card through a silly scavenger hunt that I WON! I was in it to win it, baby. ;)

Celebrated Christmas here in CT with my family; traveling on the 30th to PA to celebrate Christmas there.  We will be seeing a close college friend on Friday, then spending New year’s Eve with two our of our dearest friends by going out to eat.  New Year’s Day we will be doing Christmas brunch with Chris’s family, and then we’ll be traveling home on the 2nd. 

 

It’s been quite the unexpected year, and 2011 will bring lots more adventures to our life!  We’re looking forward to getting a new house, celebrating our 5-year anniversary with a weekend trip away (most likely to Boston), planning my sister’s shower and going to her wedding, celebrating the birth of a new niece on Chris’s side and my BFF’s new baby, and traveling to Ohio for our 5-year college reunion.  Bring on 2011! :)

Thank you so much for reading This Blessed Life in 2010! 

Happy New Year!!!