Quiet.

Luke is at preschool and Livi has been napping and my house is so. quiet.

 

 

It is blissful...I can’t lie.  I just made a delicious salad and quietly sat and read my favorite blogs while I ate lunch.  I can actually *hear* the refrigerator humming right now…imagine that?!  

My days {and nights!} are so long and very loud and chaotic with a toddler into everything and walking all around the house and a very precious active little boy who has more energy than…I don’t know what.

So for right now…I SO enjoy the peace when it comes unexpectedly.

But I think the true reason I enjoy the peace so much is because it’s such a contrast to the loudness and the noisiness of my kiddos when they’re awake and around me.

So much of life can be appreciated because it is The Opposite, you know? You appreciate your health so much more after you’ve just gotten over a cold….you appreciate dinner so much more when someone else has made it for you…you appreciate an anonymous gift of $10 so much more when you’re on a month of not spending {yes, that just happened to us.}

And it just occurred to me that someday all the noise will be gone and my precious kids will be grown up and won’t need me in the every moment like they do right now.

So thank you, Jesus, for the chance to raise these precious kids.

And thank you for the blessed noise and the blessed gift of quiet when it comes. 

They’re both gifts in different forms, after all. 

A Day in the Life: 8 Months Later

Back in March I did a “day in the life” post – at that point Luke was 3 and  potty training, and Livi was just a few weeks old.  Life was crazy chaotic but I’m glad I documented it.  I thought I’d do anther one to compare life then and now.  It’s a little easier, thank God, but, well…definitely not chaos-free. lol!

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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

3:45 am: Livi’s crying.  Change her diaper in her crib, in the dark, aka trying to wrestle a wet pig while half asleep myself.  Sister likes to be on her belly AT ALL TIMES when sleeping so she is perpetually trying to flip over while I simultaneously attempt to change her.  So desperate to finish I only get one of the onesie snaps matched before I zip up her fleece pjs.  Hoping she won’t notice.  Calm her down but I notice she is deep breathing and simultaneously has the hiccups.  This is not going to end well….but I go back to bed. 

 

4:05: Crying again.  Ahhh, the snaps!  Maybe one of them is cold and hitting her leg?!  Go back in, fasten all three, calm her down again by rubbing her back.  She goes to sleep {I’m praying for real this time.}

 

4:22: Back in bed and hopefully for good…

 

7:30: I wake up and it’s bright light outside and I can smell coffee {bless my husband, I knew that man was worth marrying!} My kids never ever ever sleep this late anymore so for a moment I think it must be the weekend and Chris has let me sleep in.  I quickly realize it’s not the weekend, I hear Livi moaning and stumble to get her.  Luke wakes up about 2 seconds later.  Secure milk for my boy and bottle for my baby.  Eyes half asleep.  2 sips of coffee before I feed Livi on the couch.

 

She finishes and I drink coffee to try to wake up. 

 

Meanwhile, Livi is playing at her toy, aka THE MACHINE OF DEATH.  Sound is broken so it only plays on LOUD and the most obnoxious computer-generated songs.  But it’s good for her to practice standing on her own, and she loves it, so we keep it. 

    

 

 

8:30: Breakfast for Luke…toast with butter, peanut butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon.  Smells soooo good…

 

 

8:45: Breakfast for me…toast with butter, peanut butter, raw honey and cinnamon.   I don’t even like honey all that much but this local stuff is to die for.  Kids play while I continue to wake up. Yes, I noticed I already wrote that once.  lol

    

 

 

9:45: Livi is down for 1st nap, I secure Sesame Street on Netflix for Luke, and I hurry to the bathroom for a super fast and not-at-all relaxing shower.

 

 

10:10: Livi’s awake and crying.  Did she even sleep?!  I swear this girl is an insomniac.  I go in and see if I can calm her back down to actually nap.  She is holding her dolls, sitting up, and when I go in she stops crying and laughs at me when she sees me.  Nice. 

 

10:50: Feed Livi puffs, chicken chutney (lol), egg yolks, pureed fruits, then bottle after her food.  She is on day 4 of egg yolks and loving them.  So grateful every time we can add a food to the “approved” list!  I clean the kitchen while she eats the yolks and puffs.

    

 

11:20: Kitchen and Livi are cleaned up.  I do my hair and make-up to actually look human and not scare the daylights out of the bus driver when she comes later. 

11:45: Luke out of jammies and dressed.

11:50: Livi out of jammies and dressed.  Both kids out of jammies before noon = success.  I’m basically top contender for mom of the year, in case anyone was wondering yet. 

 

 

12:00 pm: Livi starts acting super cranky.  I feel like she needs to take a nap, but technically we are on “bus alert” now – the bus comes at 12:15 but we are supposed to be ready early just in case.  I don’t want to chance missing the bus while I’m back in the room calming her down. I decide to stay by the door and try to console her so I don’t miss the bus.  A lovely 15 minutes ensues. 

 

 

12:30: Blissssss.  Luke is on the bus, Livi has actually fallen asleep (!!) and Chris is, for the first time ever, home for lunch!  He started a new job last week that requires a lot of driving and traveling and he’s right near our house for lunch today.  Hooray! 

 

 

Lunch is leftover hamburger vegetable soup, pulled from the freezer last night.  Crystal Paine’s recipe and we love it!  I inform Chris that if he’s home it has to be documented today and make him take a blurry photo of us. :)

 

 

1:00: Chris stays home to work and make calls but “he’s not here.”  Time to bake!  I’ve mentioned Luke has a lot of food issues but breakfast foods (aka carbs) are safe for him.  I bake frequently so that he has something to eat.  Today I have a little bit of pumpkin left in the fridge so I am making pumpkin scones. 

 

 

I love baking and I light my candle and turn on my Little Women soundtrack, pull out my Pyrex and get to work. 

    

 

Scones are baking and I load and run the dishwasher {aka THE STORY OF MY LIFE}.  I pull out salmon to thaw for dinner.  Aldi’s salmon is wild-caught and amazingly priced.  I buy it all the time!

 

 

 

1:55: Livi’s up and crying.  That nap definitely wasn’t as long as I was hoping for, after this morning.  Bummer.

 

2:15: Livi eats her puffs while I whip up a broccoli-pumpkin-applesauce combination, with some cinnamon oatmeal on the side.  It’s amazing to me that she likes it {babies are crazy!} but she scarfs it down. Another small bottle, too.

 

    

 

 

2:45:  Livi’s finished and clean and I keep her in the seat, give her some plastic measuring cups and spoons, and put Baby Einstein on the computer for her so I can sit down for a few minutes.  I take out my Bible, Jesus Calling, my gratitude journal, and some more coffee.  I read and write in-between jumping up and down to get the spoons that she drops. 

 

It occurs to me that I really don’t sit down much in a given day.  Like…less than 30 minutes total so far today.  Crazy.

 

3:15: Luke’s off the bus and wants milk {he gets it at wake-up, bedtime, and after school.  I think he likes looking forward to it.}  We talk about his day and I try to prevent him from squeezing his sister too hard in a hug or trying to ride her like a horse as she crawls.  The things I find myself saying aloud...

 

4:00: Livi’s super cranky and I want to put her in the car to take another cat-nap before bedtime.  Chris can finish up the rest of his work later, so he decides to come with us.  Another unexpected surprise!  Normally he wouldn’t be home until 5:00.  Having him there to help makes a world of difference in how much fun grocery shopping is.  :) We head to Wal-Mart {out of sheer necessity – I’m not a big fan of that store!} and Stop & Shop.

I am so grateful that scarves are in style now!  They make SAHMs look sooo much more put together than they really are.  Or at least me…I shouldn’t speak for other moms.  haha ;)

 

5:30: We’re home and I’m prepping dinner {pan-fried salmon, Alexia fries, and salad}. 

We play with the kids and give them both baths before putting them to bed.  Livi goes down about 7:00 and Luke about 7:45 tonight.  I realllllly don’t want to work out, but I’m doing a Thanksgiving Fitness Challenge with some Facebook friends and so I force myself to move on the elliptical.  I am slower tonight but I stay on for 30 minutes.  I lay on the couch afterward, watching a Netflix show, while Chris finishes up work from the day and gets ready for his business trip tomorrow. 

We’re both in bed by 10.  I’M EXHAUSTED!

P.S….that night, Livi was awake at 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, and 3:30.  Deeeeelightful.  

So, that’s a day in my life! I can’t see anyone buying the rights to my life for a screenplay soon, but someday I know I’ll be glad I wrote this.  ;)

 

Happy weekend, y’all! We made it!!!! :)

A Day in My New Life {Picture Post}

Oh. my. gosh you guys.  I’m just going to cut right to the chase here:  two kids is HARD!  (Moms of more than 2, I know you’re laughing at me right now, and that’s okay…I’m laughing at all the moms of 1 who think – like I used to – that their life is hard!  lol} 

I mean seriously.  One blog post in February?  Because all I do all day is take care of the kids (aka make sure they both survive), then Chris comes home, we eat, I do housework like a crazy woman while he spends time with them, we put Luke to bed, we both do a little housework together while one of us tries to hold Olivia and then we basically crash…before getting up to feed her in the middle of the night, of course.

Did I mention that Luke decided he wanted to wear big boy underwear last Saturday?  When Livi was 4 weeks old?  So that means I’ve been potty training for the past 11 days with a newborn?  And that my baby girl happens to have pretty bad acid reflux and is on a prescription and needs to eat more often than she had been (but a little less at each feeding so her stomach can handle it better) and needs to be held upright for at LEAST a solid hour after she eats or else she will projectile vomit and/or scream bloody murder but that sometimes she does those things regardless?  Did I mention any of that?!  lol

Anyway, I end most days feeling like I got absolutely nothing accomplished except that nobody ended up in the ER and Mommy didn’t and up as the crazy lady on the 6:00 news.  (haha)  So I randomly woke up this morning and decided this morning to record my day – boring as it might be - in photos.  Because somehow I already have a 6- week-old so even though the days draaaaaag on and on the weeks really are flying by. 

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So for better or for worse, here’s a visual diary of my day today:

 

Basically, most of my days now consist of watching Luke play and verbally interacting with him (rather than getting on the ground as much)while I hold Olivia upright so she’ll stop screaming bloody murder be comfortable and happy.  ;)

 

 

Morning activity that lasted about 10 minutes:  letting Luke use one of my canvases to make “art” with the blue dot marker.  It actually turned out really neat – I think I’m going to hang it in the playroom when we re-do it this summer.

 

Bought a bag of Easter M&Ms for Luke’s potty rewards; gave him 3 and he gagged on them and spit them out.  I think he was afraid of the pastel colors since they’re different than the regulars?  (Seriously, people don’t always take me seriously when I tell them my kiddo has serious food issues – but that’s whole other post for a different day!)  Since it’s basically a sin in my world to throw out perfectly good chocolate, they now sit on my counter and I spent my day today trying NOT to eat this entire jar. 

Good news: I didn’t! But I wanted to.

 

I remember at 10:00 that I haven’t given Livi her morning dose of medicine yet.  I cringe when I have to administer it because she hates it and usually cries. (Ummmm, because bless her heart, it smells like Listerine strips!)  But I do love seeing my girl’s name in print, regardless of the reason! It just makes me so excited that she's a real person and she’s really here with us.  I am a total dork, I know.  (I kept this photo blurry on purpose.) 

 

I bought a great old cast-iron skillet for $3 back in November at the Salvation Army.  It’s been under my dresser for the past three months (story of my life, people!) and today I decided it was getting ridiculous and it was high time to clean it.  After a good scouring and rubbing with oil and baking at 500 degrees (my house smelled horrible like smoke afterwards, even with the windows open), it came out looking tons better but it still needed to go back in for round 2 of seasoning. 

 

Quick standing-up lunch/snack:  amazing restaurant salsa leftover from girls’ night out with friends on Saturday night.  I have eaten entirely way too many carbs since having Olivia…but what can I say?  I eat standing up these days and they are fast and easy. 

 

This picture was technically taken the other day, but it pretty much represents how I spent most of today, and the day before that, and the day before that…and you get the picture:  hanging out with Luke by the potty, with Olivia hanging out in the sling. 

 

Back to today:  the time stamp on this photo is 1:44.  Because someone in my home is apparently always having a crisis, I don’t get to drink many hot sips of coffee in a row. Hence the “reheating rings” – I count 5 and it’s not even 2:00 yet!  I specifically picked my “Today” show mug this morning because it reminded me of a happy day in my life (visiting the “Today” show live with Lindsay).  The memory of that makes me smile and also simultaneously miss my best friend all day long. 

(Somewhere about this time two friends dropped by separately for a short time each – praise the Lord for adult conversation!)

Little Miss Thing spits up a ton, bless her heart, and we go through a lot of clothes here (she’s had two more outfits on today - for a total of 6! - since this photo was taken).  Clorox stain remover is my new best friend!

 

Time for an afternoon sensory activity!  We traced letters in kosher salt on the tray and then buried objects under it.   (And no I didn’t do that to his hair {it’s seriously been standing up like that for days} but I am loving his little faux-hawk!)

 

Miss Liv took a nap on me while Luke and I played with the salt:

 

P.S. Salt activity came to an abrupt halt when Luke decided to repeatedly dump it all over his head.  After being told not to.  Like 3 times.  But…YAY for my kiddo being totally cool with touching salt!  I mean, still a win, right?! haha

 

Right about this point in the day I am super thankful I actually had 10 free minutes this morning to pop a chicken in the crockpot for dinner!  It’s starting to smell really good!

 

I somehow manage to grab another 10 peaceful minutes (I heard the angels singing when it happened) and throw together these no-bake energy bars that my sister recommended.  Verdict:  I love the clean ingredients but they don’t come together all that well.  Next time I will add more peanut butter {I ran out after I made the recipe}. I think I still prefer my morning cookie. :)

 

{Loving my “new” aka vintage Pyrex bowl that I got recently for $2.50!  Perfect for mixing!}

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Not long after this Chris came home (Haaaaallelujuah, thank you Jesus), so the pictures stopped.  But just think more potty breaks (including where Luke accidentally peed on his face – yup, think that one through with me! haha), bath time, playtime, clean-up time, bedtime routine, dishes, 2 loads of laundry, and me and Chris talking about our days and singing out loud to Bruno Mars’ “Marry Me” on Pandora (best part of my day!).  

It’s 9:32 and I’m about to help Chris give Livi a bath and then head to bed! 

I’m not going to lie to you – these are some of the most emotionally draining days of my life.  The days are long and hard and demanding. (There are no pictures of me today because there was no shower for me today!  I chose sleep instead this morning, which I don’t regret one bit!)

Between having shingles in December and being stuck at home for two weeks, then staying home a lot in January to avoid getting the flu while pregnant, then having a newborn and being at home to keep her healthy and learn her routine, then having a little boy potty training who has max 5 seconds to make it to the toilet right now (so going out with him is not really an option for a while), and I don’t get out a lot.  I love my home and my kids but it’s hard for me mentally to be stuck at home and feel like I don’t have my freedom.

But then I think about all the people who would just love to be able to have babies and be home with them…and I try to change my bummed-out attitude and cherish the good parts of my day: the baby smell and snuggles, kisses from Luke, tickling him, sharing his joy when we make it a day without accidents.

Let’s just say I live for 5:00 when my relief pitcher walks through that door. 

Oh and weekends…when I can take a nap!  Don’t even get me started. ;)

Goodnight all!  This mama is POOPED OUT – LITERALLY!  haha

Moms of 2 or More: How Do You Do It?!

{Ironically, I’ve had this post in my head for weeks and finally sat down to type it last night.  Then this morning I found out that due to steadily increasing high blood pressure for the last 3 straight weeks, my c-section has been bumped up to this Monday morning…as in, less than 72 hours from now!  So I’d definitely appreciate any input as I enter these final days as a mom of one!}

 

Confession:  I truly can’t wrap my head around having two kids. 

It’s not one of those situations that you hear a lot like, “I just can’t imagine how I’m going to love another child when I already love my first child so much” or something like that.  On the contrary – we are soooo in love with this little girl already!  She was such an unexpected gift to us and we already feel so blessed by her presence.  We wanted another child for years and just never expected she would come to us this way.  It also might help that she is a different gender – it’s been SO fun to prepare for a little girl coming and Chris keeps walking around saying, “I just can’t wait to hold my little girl.” ;)

Nope, my issue is more that I seriously can’t picture my everyday life with two kids!  (I mean, I can in the future, but not with a newborn, if that makes sense.)  I mean, it’s been a looooong time – 3 1/2 years – of just me and Luke.  We have a routine and a system.  We want to go somewhere, we go.  He fits easily into a cart at the store and I only have to worry about one set of snacks, one drink, and one bedtime schedule to adhere to. 

He doesn’t take naps anymore (it’s okay – he sleeps great at night), but if I’m tired during the day (aka like now near the end of pregnancy) I lay on the couch next to him while he plays or watches a movie.  He consumes all my time and attention – and it works just fine.  He’s my life during the day!

So I just can’t fathom how this is actually going to work!  I can’t wrap my head around giving two kids my time and attention.  I anticipate feeling like a rubber band, constantly being pulled in opposite directions.  How will I balance it all?  How will I ever go ANYWHERE?!  Will I ever have FIVE minutes to myself again? 

I’m looking for advice here – or words of wisdom, or really anything.  What has worked for you, personally?  Strict schedules?  Just going with the flow?  Everyone has told me that going from 1 to 2 kids is the hardest transition there is, and I believe it.  It’s funny now to look back at having Luke and thinking how hard that was in the beginning…and now realizing what a piece of cake it actually was in retrospect.  I could take a nap or do whatever I wanted when he slept!  Now, on the other hand, if I’m exhausted from being up all night with Livi, I still have to be on my A-game because my preschooler will be wide awake and wanting to play even when she’s napping during the day. 

I’m prepared to hear “It’s really horrible during the transition time.”  Honestly.  (And on the flip side, if it wasn’t a big deal for you, feel free to let me know! ha!) I just want to know what it’s like from moms (and any dads!) who have been there. 

How do you do it?!  Seriously?!  lol

31 Days to a Cleaner Diet {15}: What to Do When Your Best Efforts Fail

After my post yesterday about snack foods (and kids, specifically), I just wanted to share from my heart about my own struggles with my son, Luke, who turned 2 in July. 

I am no psychologist, so I have no real way of explaining my son other than to share what happened in our lives and what I know about him now. 

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that we moved last August (2010) from Pennsylvania to Connecticut.  Luke was 13 months old when we moved.  Within 24 hours of moving in with my parents, he gave up basically all meat and vegetables.  My son, who previously would happily gobble up anything and everything we placed in front of him, suddenly turned into a terror at mealtime.  Food became a battle, textures became super scary, and many, many, many tears were shed at mealtime (by all 3 of us). 

I thought I had it bad then. 

Fast forward to 9 months and 1 day later (oh yes, I counted), when we were finally able to close on our new house here and move out from living with my parents.   My son, bless his heart, was basically sad for about a week.  He cried a lot and it was hard to make him smile. We had just uprooted his living situation again, and this time we’d taken him away from his Nanny and Poppy and Uncle Josh, to boot.  Thankfully some friends came to visit us not long after we moved, and he was happy to see them and has been back to his happy-go-lucky self ever since. 

But he now no longer eats any form of eggs, yogurt, or applesauce, either.  And mealtimes are still super stress-inducing for me.  Our son frequently gags up food, gets terrified of new textures (this extends to textures he touches as well as textures he eats), and screams in literal fear when we even put a new food on his plate (not even asking him to eat it – just to look at it, as the child food experts say to do). 

I have a very, very, very limited selection of foods that I can feed my son.  We have tried EVERYTHING.  Seriously.  All the tricks that well-meaning (and sometimes not-so-well-meaning) friends and family have shared with us, we’ve done them.  To no avail.

The bottom line is, I cannot force my sweet boy to eat anything.  Anyone who tells you differently has either never had children or abuses their children (and yes, I’m being serious). 

We have actually tried to put bites of food in Luke’s mouth, thinking that if we just pop a new food in, he will be delighted with how good it tastes and realize that he does want to eat it (ha!).  Our intentions were sincere and loving, but it only resulted in gagging and more screaming and tears. 

He is still too young to understand most cause and effect situations when they’re not immediate, so the whole “just take one bite and then you can have xyz” approach doesn’t work AT ALL with him. 

We’ve tried every trick in the book, and not one of them work for our family.  (Although he does have an appointment on Thursday with his doctor to talk about the gagging and see if there is something there that can be helped, since he gags on food all the time, even food he loves.)

Why am I sharing all of this with you?  Because for a long time, I felt alone.  I feel like everywhere I go, I see kids blissfully eating whatever their parents place before them, or easily trying new foods at a restaurant.  Many times, I feel like the only mom I know who has to bring her child special food or else he won’t eat a thing, since new foods are terrifying to him and not exciting. 

Until two weeks ago, Chris and I had literally never met parents struggling with food to this degree with their children.  We had dinner at a family's house from our church.  They shared how their 3-year-old son has severe food and texture and gagging issues, as well.  Only recently has he understood that if he doesn’t eat what’s on his plate, there are no {healthy} snacks to be had later.  Even now, they still have to compromise with him because of his texture issues and fear of food.  He must simply put one bite of a new food in his mouth, and he’s allowed to spit it out if it’s too overwhelming to him or he doesn’t like it. 

He is a sweet, smart, hilariously cute little boy.  He’s just scared of new food, like my son.   His parents are intelligent and kind.  I seriously wanted to bawl my eyes out at their dinner table - here were normal, loving, healthy-food-eating parents who were going through THE EXACT same issue that we are. 

It’s impossible for me to not associate Luke’s two moves as a 1-year-old with his big issues with food.  I know a lot of child psychologists say that food is the one area of life that toddlers feel they can control, and when we up and moved our boy two times, I can see (although again, I don’t claim to be a psychologist) how throwing his life upside down might lead him to stress out big time about the food choices that are before him. 

This is an on-going, daily struggle in our house.  I cry quite frequently about it.  And I literally cried the other day when Luke ate one pea and one chopped piece of cooked carrot and tried an apple (although he gagged the whole thing up)…..because those were the first new foods he has tried in over 14 months. 

The only thing I can do is continually let him “look” at new foods on my plate (putting them on his plate makes him cry and sob so much that he then doesn’t want to eat the food that is on his plate already).  We try to make sure that the food he eats is of the best quality we can give him….whole grains, organic milk, organic fruits, etc. 

And honestly, when my son wants to try ANYTHING new, even if it’s not a healthy food, I encourage it, because that is earth-shattering for him. We make a ridiculously big deal out of him putting anything new into his mouth. 

So I guess I just wanted to end with two things: if you’re a mom (or dad!) of a kid with food issues, take heart.  I certainly do NOT have all the answers (or any answers at all, really), but I feel for what you’re going through.  I understand the embarrassment you feel at times, and the fear, and the just plain frustration of having to make special menu items on a daily basis.  You are not alone!  I pray frequently about this, and I encourage you to pray for your child and that the situation would change (and I am happy to pray for your little one, as well). 

Second, if you ARE blessed with a child who eats well (or if you don’t have kids yet and think you know all the answers, lol), try to show grace to those of us who do struggle with this.  (Although if you see a kid eating only twinkies and soda all day, feel free to judge. haha) But seriously, try not to assume you know what’s going on in a family.  Sometimes moms and dads struggle with all their hearts to change their child’s eating habits, and nothing works.  They’re not being lazy, or ignorant, or unconcerned with spoiling their child.  It’s hard and humiliating enough to be in their shoes without having to deal with little comments or “looks” from others. 

I read a great quote on a website that said something like, “You can’t control what your child chooses to eat, but you CAN control the food that is set before them.” 

If you’re dealing with a child (or children!) with food and texture issues like Luke, do your best to present that child with the best choices you possibly can.  That’s really all any of us in this situation can do. 

And feel free to e-mail me on the days you want to pull your hair out. :)

 

{Click here to see the other posts in this series.}

A Letter to Luke on His 2nd Birthday

My sweet boy,

I can’t believe that today you are TWO.  TWO!  As many times as I say it, it still doesn’t seem real.  

I will never forget the day I found out that you would be in our lives.  On November 17th, 2008, we found out that someone would be changing our lives forever, but it wasn’t until March 2nd, 2009, that we found out it would be YOU.  I had been praying so hard that God would let me be a little-boy mommy the first time around, and I remember crying such tears of happiness when the technician told me that you were undoubtedly a boy.  It was then that I knew you were my “Luke” and not just “baby” anymore.  I was so thankful and overjoyed that God had given me the desire of my heart! 

We found out on Monday, July 6th, that we were going to get to meet you in two days – quite a bit earlier than we expected.  07-08-09 was our “let’s go get him” day and we thought that it was so neat that your birthday was going to be such a memorable date.  I knew you needed to come out, and I was a little nervous for you, but mostly excited – so, so excited.   Even though we had SO much to quickly do, those two days just seemed to drag on and on and on.  We went out to eat the night before, and I ordered a meatball grinder as my last pregnant meal.  I wanted to go out right. :)

And then the day came!  I hardly slept at all the night before (how could I?!).  We got to the hospital at 4:30 and started the journey to meet you.  I was tired and people kept telling me to rest, but again: how could I?!  Today I was meeting my Luke and I was just too excited. 

07-08-09 ended up being the longest, scariest, most emotion-filled day of my life.  By the time you are old enough to read this, you will probably have already heard Mommy and Daddy’s stories of what that day held for all three of us.  It did not go at all like we or Mommy’s doctor had expected or hoped. 

Sometimes when I think about that day, I still cry a little.  It was a hard day – much harder than I ever thought it would be.  But then I stop and think about what would have happened if you were born in 1909 instead of 2009 or if Mommy’s doctor hadn’t been so fast-moving.  You probably would never have made it to come out and meet us – or your little brain and lungs would have sustained a lot of damage.  Maybe too much damage.  So when I start to feel sadness creep up, I think about those things, and I am beyond happy and grateful that God chose you to be born when He did and to whom He did. 

Because in the end…we got YOU. 

And you were beautiful.  From the moment you were born, right up until today, I have had no end of people stop me – in stores, in parks, in church, wherever - and tell me that you are honestly the most beautiful boy they have ever seen.  And I believe them, of course, because I think it is true. :) Mommy had told everyone and their brother AND their mother how much she hoped you had hair and you did not disappoint.  (Although we did think it would be blonde, not black – that was such a surprise!). 

You were such a little peanut, and so helpless and teeny-tiny and precious.  You had a whole bunch of fuzz on you, from coming out early, and we jokingly called you “Esau.” 

I could not get enough of you. 

We stayed in the hospital for four days to help you and Mommy heal from a few things, and then we came home and started our real life together as a family. 

We watched you grow…..

and learn…..

and giggle…..

and eat…..

and be a silly monkey. :)

You turned ONE and then we got to start experiencing the joy of toddlerhood with you.  You learned to walk, run, and jump, you learned to eat with a spoon and a fork, you learned to put on shoes, your vocabulary started taking off, and you grew much more independent in so many ways. 

We fell in love with you as a baby because you were ours and you were so teeny and smelled so good. :)  It is fun to fall in love all over again with this new little boy that you are - growing up right before our eyes!

Over the last two years, I have learned so many things about you.  I know that when you climb up into your highchair, you are ready for me to feed you RIGHT now – no matter what I’m doing at the moment.  I know that when you are tired, you like to have your paci (yes, still!) and a head of hair to play with, whether it’s yours or someone else’s.  I’ve learned that you are fascinated by animals, of all kinds, and you like to hold a matchbox car in each hand as you walk around the house.  You love to read books (alone and with us) and when you watch Curious George, you get so excited and pump your right arm so hard it makes us all laugh.   

I know where you are ticklish and what can make you smile and what will scare you.  I know that you love to line things up in rows and organize things and that you are so observant; you notice things in pictures and fields and stores that Daddy and I would otherwise have completely missed. 

You sing all the time for us, and Daddy and I love it – we hope you will be musical like us, someday! (But it’s totally okay if you aren’t.)

I love that you have a little lisp on the word “s” sometimes and I secretly hope it stays around for a while, because I think it is the cutest thing in the world. 

I love that you are still sweet and innocent – I can’t remember a single time when you have ever tried to push or hurt another little boy or girl.  (Although I think once you did put sand on someone’s head. :) And you have not yet started the “mine” phase, for which I am thankful. 

You recently started saying “hi” to inanimate objects (like your stuffed animals), and people in stores, and it is just too cute for words.

Your most favorite food in the entire world is milk – you just can’t get enough of it, even though you usually only get it at morning and night.  You were calling it “mosh” until just a week ago, when you finally started calling it “melk” just like your Auntie Lindsay. :)

I could go on and on and on, sweet boy.  You are my little buddy, and since we spend all day, every day, together, Mommy knows you inside and out.  Every day your brain makes new discoveries and new connections, and I love being here to watch it all happen. 

You are the light of my life.  I love you so much it makes my heart actually ache.  I would do anything in the world for you, sweetheart.  

My deepest and strongest desire for you is that you would grow up to love God with your whole heart.  Daddy and I pray over you every night with that request, and that you would be a man who loves others and who does great things for Him.  Right now, as I type this, I am praying that at whatever point in the future you are reading this, you have already given your life to Jesus and and want to be a part of His mission for the world. 

I love you, I love you, I love you.  You are my most favorite boy in the whole wide world.  I hope when you are old and you read this blog post and my other journal entries about you, you will be able to catch just a glimpse of how much my heart was filled with love for you.

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
My baby you’ll be.

I love you to the moon and back! Happy 2nd birthday!

- Mommy